Dive in

Welp, another week has passed and another stupid article about parenting has been published (no, we don’t mean ours). This week, Newsweek published the results of a “study” that reports that “two-thirds of new dads feel ‘left out’ in the early days of parenting.” Did anyone spit out their coffee just now? 

To be fair, we should really grant this some consideration - you know, before we decide that the premise, the positioning, and the whole ideology reflected in this one claim is nothing short of poisonous from the get-go. I mean, really, ask yourself…who cries for dads? When Emily was put on 10 weeks of bed rest, gained 80 pounds, then quit her job to stay home and tandem nurse her babies like a dairy cow, she just couldn’t stop asking….does my husband feel left out? When Alexina was pumping in a supply closet or breastfeeding on conference calls at one month postpartum, she constantly wondered, does my boys’ dad feel included enough? Honestly, when our senators are banging on about equal parental leave, child care assistance, and gender pay gaps, and when influencers are trying their darndest to normalize stretch marks, all we can really wonder is, WHAT ABOUT THE DADS AND THEIR FEELINGS? 

If you are sensing some sarcasm, then you are astute. Sure, there is a dynamic in some couples in which one parent may not delegate to the other parent as much as they could. They should probably deal with that. But that said, can we stop publishing articles like the one above? 

Most mothers we know are tired of carrying the mental load of the household, often because in many male-female relationships, “good” dads get labeled as such while acting like mediocre moms. 

Whether your parenting team includes a dad, a mom, or any partner who feels that because they didn’t give birth, initiate the adoption papers, or for some abstract reason, feel like less of a “natural” parent, and are therefore “left out,” we are here to remind them that they are invited to the party. But let’s also be clear that no one will be mailing them an invitation, because just like parents can’t “babysit”, they also don’t receive invitations to be what they already are (parents). So if, this summer, these poor left out parents are standing next to the pool under the hot sun, looking in and thinking about how nice it would be to splash around with the others, we have one simple message: dive in.

P.S. For the record, Emily’s pretty sure her partner did not feel left out in those early days of twins, because his level of sleep-deprivation was just as hallucinogenic as hers.

P.P.S. Alexina’s partner didn’t feel left out either, and we can just leave it at that.