Friendship

Today is a very special day because someone (who happens to be a co-writer of this newsletter) was born today. It’s Emily’s birthday! Which got me, Alexina, thinking about the power of friendships. For our kids, yes, but also for us as parents. 

Emily and I met in the summer of 2016. It was a sweltering day in Brooklyn and we were set up on a play date by another friend who thought we would get along and to whom we will forever be grateful. I was in my first trimester with my second kid and feeling like a legit dumpster fire. Emily had just walked more than a mile with two toddlers on a 90 degree day because there were no subways nearby with an elevator, which she needed to get her double stroller down to the platform. (In case you didn’t know raising young children in New York City can feel like the Hunger Games at times). We tried to pretend like we could have a real conversation while chasing three two-year-olds around the LeFrak Center Splash Pad. Our kids got in the way of any kind of deep connection between the two of us that day but I knew I liked her instantly. What I didn’t know is that she would become one of my closest friends, someone who has stood beside me during some of my most challenging times and someone who I have laughed so hard with that I’ve peed my pants (my bladder isn’t what it used to be).

So on the day of her birth I am thinking of her and how truly amazing she is, but also how lucky I am to have her as a friend…and how important friendships are, especially as a parent. The past couple of years have felt like parenting on steroids. Many of us are lucky to have loving families, but let’s be real it has also been those families that have pushed us to our breaking point and our friends who were able to walk us through the rage, despair, anxiety, and loneliness many of us have felt lately. 

At this point I, Emily, will take a moment to weigh in, mostly to say that this is my favorite newsletter ever. I do wish Alexina had said a little bit more about my bangin’ bod and enviable sense of style, but I suppose we can’t be all things to everyone, nor can we expect that from others. Indeed, in a parenting landscape that emphasizes the relationship between a child’s own parents, it’s easy to forget that many different kinds of relationships–namely, friendship–also sustain us. And it’s important that we model strong friendships and greater support systems when it comes to our kids.

Along these lines, an article written in The Atlantic way back in 2020 posed an interesting question: “What if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life?” It’s a good question. We aren’t proposing polyamory or anything, but Rhaina Cohen was on to something when she suggested that “our worlds are backward” when it comes to relationships. In a perfect world, we’ll all have lots of kinds of relationships to prioritize. Today, we are grateful for the privilege to show our kids what good friendships look like. Some even think that when it comes to the type of love that makes people happiest, passion has nothing on friendship. 

And now I, Alexina, would like to close out by saying Happy Birthday Emily; thank you for being my friend. I love you dearly and you’ve got a friend in me.